thinking out loud

These words are from my current thoughts as I experience the church organization combined with recent thoughts from Shane Claibourne and Brother Yun (both authors). I just can’t seem to sit still. My mind races with a desire for just and right living. Can we not get it right here in America? This probably goes outside America but I see it all around me here and see things done better elsewhere. Enough being vague here, what I am mulling over is the use of money given to the church organization. Its use toward paying off a building loan, employees, starbuck meetings, fireplaces, marketing - mostly things inward and not much towards needs outside the organization. Sustaining itself. What happened to the church being the church in everything from time to tithe? I read about it in the bible and yet this consumer culture has us excited at the building of a new “church” and putting our resources and energy in creating a destination when it seems that Jesus wants to prepare us to go.

My heart is troubled because I am in the same seat I am uncomfortable with. How do I grab my hearts desires and die? Dying to drink in Jesus’ living water to live. Thirsting no more, a life to its full, joy that reaches beyond just being happy or comfortable. Can I still be where I am and truly grow to live? Do I call my brothers (and the sisters) in Christ to grab a coffee or some sunlight, maybe buy a round for the regulars, pray for each other, share the word that God is working in us, come clean with struggles and needs, give to those in need both present and those we know at work or in our physical neighborhood? That to me is the church. That to me is also full of trust and social unknowns enough to give me sweaty palms and wonder if anyone else would show up. The current organization of things seems hard to separate from the book club or the chess club. People with similar interests gathering to enjoy common company. I don’t know others hearts, I just feel like I am part of the church marketing structure and that makes me feel less like a follower and more like a formula.

I don’t have it all figured out, like I said up front - these are just some current thoughts and I’m still thinking.

Sincerely,
nate